Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Did you dance?

I said to myself when I found myself in this hour of Patmos, that when the light comes, I am going to dance. That I would rejoice with them that rejoiced, for I have wept with them that weep in this journey.

So I ask myself today, now that the sun settles again. Did you dance? I don't recall dancing, I only recall wondering when my night would come again. Fearful that it would be today, fearful that it would be tomorrow, fearful that it would be the next week.

I find myself with my hands against the wall, thinking this time I will find this switch, find this device that will bring light to me. Yet all I can feel is the roughness of my hands from the last time I searched this barren wall. My tears have become my drink again, I fear the day that they stop, because I fear I will be overcome with thirst. So let me weep, let me sorrow, let me be found in guilt of not dancing.

Maybe I will be found dancing this time. Maybe when the sun comes from it's hiding place, it will find me, dancing in this darkness. Oh darkness where is thy sound, oh darkness where is thy voice, sing to me, sing to me your song. Sing to me that I might dance slowly, sing to me that my feet my move with thy sorrow, Sing thy song to me, that I might sing it to others.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

To sneeze or not to sneeze?

Ok, it was late last night, in the bed, could not sleep. I battle with insomnia and the worse thing that someone in my state can do is get their mind on something, because then there is no hope whatsoever for me of ever getting rest.

So I am laying there, just listening to my wife snore, and trying to clear my mind of everything. Then it happens..... KABOOM!!! Out of nowhere this sneeze come upon me. I hate sneezing because I had open heart surgery a few years ago and it hurts me to sneeze. Yet that is not my point. I know, you are just waiting to hear my point, yet be patient, it is a virtue.

I am laying there after having this sneeze and the enemy of thinking comes upon me, I try to avoid it, yet I cannot stop it. So for the next 4 hours I lay there thinking about everything that one is able to do in their sleep.

I just happen to have some examples.... 1)Snoring 2)Talking 3)Walking 4)Jumping off the bed 5)Doing a # 1 6)Picking their nose "seriously, no lie" 7)Kicking 8)Telling dirty secrets 9)Singing 10)Cussing like a sailor. The list could go on forever, trust me, about 4 hours of list I could blog.

Yet one thing I have never known man or woman, boy or girl, old or young, to be able to do....... SNEEZE!! Now let me clear something up here... I have slept in the room with many people, not that I have slept with many people. Please clear that up before the newspaper get's it. I have never known, nor been in a room with anyone that has ever SNEEZED in their sleep. How strange is that?

Now by now you are probably thinking what I am thinking.... Goverment Conspiracy!!!

Of course now I am not an expert, nor have I slept in the same room with everyone, so that is what this blog is about... I want to hear from them that have or have not heard someone SNEEZE in their sleep. I will say this... I don't want anyone responding that has the answer why, then of course this blog would not be as fun. :)

Thursday, February 24, 2005

It is cold

I find myself sitting in my office today next to the heater, just trying to get warm. Yet what is more so cold than this flesh, is my soul. It's as if my soul has become one with nature.

This dark winter has caused me to question, to question so much in life.

What am I doing?
What have I done?
What should I be doing?
What should I have done?

I feel so far away, yet a part of me feels as if it is wanting to live. Maybe it is the seed of life that is yearning for the spring, so that it might bloom. Oh how I hope this is true.

My shoulders are heavy and my feet seem to drag. I ask myself... When will the day cause the night to vanish? I find myself over and over in the midst of darkness.
Overcome by the shadows, overcome by the grief, overcome by the fact that many around me dance in light, and I am called to sit in darkness.

I had convinced myself, that this darkness would be for my benefit, yet I realize that though I grow stronger, I still cannot help but wonder what the sun on my face would feel like.

I stood in the heat of my shower today, and I cried out as only a child who has been left would cry.... My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me?!? What have I done, have I exhausted thy mercy, has my failures out numbered thy grace?

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow I shall behold the sun.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

No one said!!

15 years ago when I said I would follow, Everyone said, it is not an easy road. Yet no one said there would be hell to pay.

In the last 15 years I have seen as the evil man would overcome the righteous, and I was told. It rains upon the just and the unjust. Yet no one said, the just will only someday see their rain.

When will good men arise and conquer the evil? When will good men arise and overcome the ungodly? Must we always be beat down? Must we always see the bottom side?

No one said that this road was death, they only said, it was lonely.

No one said that it will rob you and rape you, they only said it was all uphill.

When will one see the unrighteous perish in their own vomit? When will one see the unrighteous fall by their own sword?

Speaking of the sword, it never grows dull. You would think with all their cutting, with all their stabbing, with all their wounding, it would grow dull, yet among them it remains sharp. I wonder what price they pay to have it sharp? Does it cost them their sleep? Does it cost them their health? What does it cost so that evil might prevail?

I wish, oh how I wish, that one would come and hold me, that one would come and bring me close. Where is this one who said I am your peace? Where is this one that has proclaimed to be my warrior? Have I offended Him? Have I dishonored Him?

No one said He required death.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Did you say cheese?

I have been on this new life style (diet) now for 2 weeks and I can honestly say that this new life style (diet) has shown great progress (20 pounds).

My new life style (diet) has not been a very easy thing. I love food, now I know people say that and we all shake our heads and say... I also. Yet you don't understand, I LOVE FOOD, I love to eat. Now some of you are probably thinking, this is his way of saying he weighs a ton... NO, 1/2 a ton maybe but not a ton. I am tall (excuse) so that helps me carry my weight, yet I have over the years allowed my gut to expand. Anyway back to what this is about. What is this about?

Oh yes, cheese. This new life style (diet) has caused me to cut back on things that at one time in my life, I never even thought about, such as cheese, I mean how bad can a slice of cheese be? Well actually I don't have the calories with me, so stop your worry. Anyway, today, 2 weeks into the diet, I go to get a grilled chicken salad (fat free ranch) when the lady there behind the counter says..... Do you want cheese on that? My response... Did you say cheese? As if cheese on a salad was NEVER HEARD OF before. She kindly responded, yes sir, cheese, you know, it's shredded.

Well as the line piled up behind me, I stood there thinking, do I want cheese? Do I want cheese? Do I want cheese? I quickly tried to figure in my head, how many extra calories it was going to be, yet I stood there under the power of cheese. Thinking to myself, is it really worth it or not. I took into consideration how much more it was going to cost extra for the cheese, I figured if I did the price in my head it might tell me how much cheese they were going to put on it, then I could figure up how much it was going to raise my calorie intake. What seemed like forever I am sure was but just a few seconds yet I told her, no, I don't think I will have cheese. She smiles and hits a button and gives me a total. And then I thought to myself, this little teenage girl has no idea what she just put me through. She so easily just takes my money and does not think twice about my struggle, she just smiles and says... Have a good day!!! Have a good day!!! Have a good day!!! The nerve of this girl, the nerve that she has to offer cheese to me!!!

Well I guess I have got that out of my system and will go home and enjoy my night. Sleep well all and do be good.

Oh and I get my salad, the guy brings it out and says..... Sorry sir, we are out of fat free ranch!!! If i would have known that, I would have gotten cheese.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Please Help!!!

Well it is Wednesday again and I am trying this Blogg thingy as therapy, so on Wednesday I take the time given me to let off steam. So here it goes....

It is Monday, I am in the car (paid to much for it) and I am on my way to Wal~Mart (hate the place) and I enter the parking lot and the challenge begins....

1)There are more baskets in the parking lot than there were to die on the Titanic (sorry but I hated the movie, actually in my life I have seen two very very bad movies 1. Titanic 2. E.T) So trying to get through the parking lot was enough to just send someone into cardiac arrest.
2) I am one that does not mind waiting on a good parking place, and not to brag or anything, but when I see an elderly person behind me waiting for me to get the good place I always pull on and let them have it (not bragging I remind you). Yet this is just a thought, actually it should be more than a thought, it should be law. When you see someone putting their groceries in the car and you want their place, pull over to the side, so that other cars can get around you. There is no NEED to sit right in the middle of the isle.
3) How about not putting your childs dirty diaper right outside your car door so that when I get out, there is what you left behind. Actually why not do the right thing, put it in the diaper bag and take it out when you get home. I realize that it probably stinks, but that is the price of children.
4) If you are going to use your goverment assistance, then don't let me see your basket filled with Christmas lights or Easter bunnies, or Halloween Candy. If you have money for that, then I KNOW you have money for your babies milk that sits in your basket as well.
5) Pay attention in the aisle, take notice that your basket and 4 kids are blockin the whole other side of the aisle and other people are actually in the store . If you own the store then you can very well take up the whole aisle but you better have identification ready to prove to me that you own the store.
6) If writing a check, then PLEASE ask the cashier for a pen when she is checking out your 19 items in the 10 or less lane and that goes for any other lane as well. Dont wait until the total is given and then say... "Can I borrow your pen" You could have written out that check and refinanced your house by the time she/he has gotten through with your basket.
7) This is to all you checkers. I know you stand all day and no doubt tired, but give me a smile, I mean, I did not have to shop at your place of business, I could have sat on my butt and ordered it off the internet or even gone to your competitor. Give us some love, give us a little bit of attention, you are not a robot or an atm machine.
Well, I now need my blood pressure medicene. So I am not sure if this venting is doing me any good or not.