Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Painful Silence

This June will mark 15 years of full-time ministry for me, and I am still just a kid.

This entry today is not about the Silence of God, although I could write a book on that. It is a much deeper pain, a more painful search of ones heart. You see when God becomes silent in my life, I search to see what has separated us, He is pretty quick to show me if there is anything and yet if I cannot find anything then I realize His desire is just to sit with me and not speak with me.

So the pain of silence that I speak of is that of the silence of friendship. Let me again clear something up here. I not speak of the absence of a friend, or when one who we use to talk with everyday is no longer around or they might be around, but they just stop talking with you. No doubt it is painful, you search your heart, search your words, search your actions, wondering what have you done to cause the silence, the absence.

The pain that I speak of today is that pain that goes into the depth of ones bones, and it becomes this ache, this torment, this evil that consumes even the most holy and righteous thoughts of man. You see I have been on the sharp end of a friends tongue when he/she chose to cut me, to mutilate me. Even then I find myself forgiving them, find myself making an excuse for their ignorance.

The pain that I speak of today is that pain that comes from the one that knows to speak good and yet does not speak it. The pain of a silent friend. The pain that comes from him/her that listens to all manner of evil against you, and yet they say nothing to protect you, to guard you, to redeem you. I realize in life that I am going to disappoint someone and they are going to turn on me, they are going to reject me, yet those that say they love me, why not speak for me? Your silence is like fertilizer upon the flowering weed, although it seems harmless, it chokes from me life, it robs from me, it does me much more harm than that which was spoken.

I wrestle more today with those that chose to be silent, than those that chose to speak evil.


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