Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Have you forgotten?

My bed is soaked with sorrow, my heart has been weighted down with fear.

This heart of mine has been overtaken with doubt, as I stood in a worship service last night, surrounded by about 500 people, with hands lifted and the hot bitter tears of grief burned my face. I begged of Him, "Please Father, do not let me lose Faith now, I have come so far".

More than 24 hours now has passed, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not sure if I actually believe what I have believed all my days of being "born again". Now please understand, I believe in God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit. I believe there is but only one way to the Father, and that is through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Yet, it is now that I wonder, is salvation for just a coming thing? Or is salvation practical for my today. You see my voice has become nothing more than a whisper and even at times, just that which is called moans and groans that we are not to understand. Yet even my whisper is.... "God save me from this darkened forest, God save me from this city of the dead." Yet, I find only that I am pushed, and pressed to go further into the forest and it is has only grown colder in this city of the dead.

I know it might sound childish, but I have said to Him, maybe better so that I just wait for thy coming, and by my waiting I not mean with hope, but with a surprise if it should ever come. You see I sit in my office and yet another new day is upon us, and I do my best to say... "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Because I am not even sure if He is in my today, maybe he is just in my future.

Oh how my words haunt me that I said to a people who call me Pastor. "Your sorrow today will be your song tomorrow". "That you should lift your head up and shout... Thank God it is midnight, because now I know my new day is coming!!"

So I say again, with this new day having arrived.... "Oh God you are beautiful, let they beauty shine on me, let not thy servant go forgotten, but remember me, as you intercede for your people".


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