Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Who could blame me?

I worry... I shared with my friend my song that I have yet to sing for so many... It has been so many days and yet I have heard no reply. I promised him that I would understand if he said nothing. I would understand if the song fell again upon deaf ears. Now I am left to wonder, was it my song or has his own choir taken over his ears.

I said I would not sing it again, I said the last time that I was given the silence, that I would have rathered they told me to step away from the mic and let them that can at least bring us a sliver of hope (like the moon, even when it is but a sliver, we know that a greater vision will come)

I stopped taking my medicine, I said that when it became a need in my life, then I would no longer be controlled by it, it became a need. I will not allow myself to be leashed like a dog, being lead where it's master so desires. I refuse to stand before a people and say... "All ye that can hear my voice... Take thy refuge in God!" Only to be lead by this leash myself to find my refuge in the knowledge of man that comes so easily from not just my good Dr. but my wife as well. I wonder what it is that she does, when I am kissed by the kiss of sleep. Who might she dance with in the shadows of my house, who might she sit with and say to them, "My husband would love to have joined us, but, well.... well I found him sleeping again."

Did I scare thee oh friend? Did my distorted face frighten you when I lifted the mask? Was it the blood shot eyes or the un-kept beard that made you wonder, wonder if I could be trusted?

Your silence is like that of a burial cloth, it wraps around my mouth with it's fear. I cannot speak for one will say... "Why did you tell?" Look what you have done! I cannot speak of it, for my shame of telling has caused me a great amount of embarrassment before.

Just a single line, to bid me farewell is enough, I promise to not respond.


Blogger Thomas Jackson said...

I'm going through some serious stuff myself, my friend. I'm not ignoring you, I just haven't had time or emotional resources to get down to the nitty-gritty of what you have to say. I promise by Thursday to have a better response. I don't want to upset you or give what you have to say a quick read and response. Sometimes, I can be a bit deliberate when reading and writing things; this is one of those times. I'm with you as a friend, just give me a little more time; I'm not angry, ashamed, or embarassed by anything I've heard from you. You're a valuable person with valuable things to say; I just don't want to write the wrong thing.

9:38 PM  

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