Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Difficult Week

This last week has been a very difficult one. I have been speechless, and for a preacher that is like the splitting of the Red Sea.

It is like I have run out of things to say. It's like my heart is heavy, it is full and wants to cry out, yet it can't. I picture myself as a lamp that sits next to the wall outlet, it's cord laying next to it on the floor. Yet it has yet to be plugged in, I feel like that lamp.

As if there is something that needs to be said, yet for some weird reason it just won't come out. I don't think it is the shame of someone thinking less of me, I think by now, I have accomplished that. I think it is more of what I have failed to write or speak out that scares me the most.

This piece of me that has laid hidden and naked in the darkness, that if men could see they would not even bother trying to cover my shame, yet they would expose and shine a great light upon. This is where I cry for a brother. One that will come and cover my shame even when the wind has blown the blanket from me, this blanket of darkness.

I have shared with no one, I have yet to share with anyone what this blanket covers, I have yet to share with even them who have told me time and time again... "Let me in, let me in, let me in." Why, because I know how great a shame it will bring. I regret in saying that I have walked into the dark room of others and reached for the light to only find man scatter like a roach, and instead of reaching for the cover, I just talked about what the light had uncovered.

So I hide myself as usual, not knowing when I will scatter and reach for the cover.


Blogger Thomas Jackson said...

We all hide. We all have shame. It's expected, and you're sure as hell not alone.

10:27 AM  

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