Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

No Doubt

This has been I think the hardest month in a very long time. I can't even pretend to care, I can't even pretend to act like I want to be married or even in the ministry. I don't think I have ever come to this place of exhaustion before, in times past, I would be able to bounce back and at least have some kind of strength to draw from.

I feel as if a few months ago, I was throne into this well, an old abounded well. I knew at the time that I was going to get out of it, because I could see these steps on the side of the wall. Yet slowly as I tried to use each one of them, they would crumble in my hands. I then said to myself, well at least I am able to see the sun shining above me, and it was then that it turned night. I took courage and said, well this water that surrounds me will at least keep me from dying of thirst, it was then that the rains did come and now this water has become my source of fear, for it takes all my strength to keep a float.

Now I just want to let go and find myself at the bottom. All this time, I have lied to myself. You see I would say.... You are going only this far and then you will cry out for help, I had moved the mark so many times that I finally decided to just stop, it was easier than having to deal with the guilt of lying to myself.

I am sorry for those who read this blogg that my sorrow has overtaken my humor and ability to be a Great Man Of God. I think that maybe it is just time for me to find a back seat and let someone else be His mouthpiece.


Blogger Thomas Jackson said...

The best advice I can give is to follow your concience. Having one these days is very rare; do what you need to do, and be yourself first. You're a good and valuable person. You shouldn't expect perfection of life, nor should people expect perfection of you. Just live for now; the conditions of life change quickly.

8:54 AM  

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