Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I have been in a very confused place lately. As if there are 3 doors in front of me and each time I open one to go forward, each time there is something different behind each door. My mind is going non stop, it is as if one part is trying to convince the other.

Troubled on every side I sit here today, everything that I have found rest in, well it seems to slip further and further away from me. I sat in the office last night until early this morning, trying to find direction, trying to find any shred of peace that could possibly let me sleep.

It was then that I somehow or another changed my question. Many times throughout the day, I mumble the... Why?!? Yet last night, it turned into... What?!?

What do you want? What do you mean? What do you think you are trying to prove?!?

I then put my shoes back on and journeyed home. I almost thought there for a moment that me changing the question would change His answer, yet I got the same reply, His silence. I have never been one to go around bragging about what "God Said" I hear it often from others and I just think to myself. God has said more sense the bible was written than any other time in history. I wonder if what we think has been His voice, has been nothing more than our voice, has been nothing more than that of an imagination, that of having one two many pickles.

So, there is one thing that I do know.... I love Him, and I do not doubt His love for me.


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