Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Monday, April 24, 2006

It Hurts

I have known pain in my life, I wonder sometimes if it was not my twin that was separated at birth. The pain of sickness, the pain of torture, the pain of trouble. Yet I think the greatest pain is that of separation. When you know it is time to say good-bye to things. Things that you have invested in, and I am not speaking of some stock symbol, but to things that we call friends.... Humanity.

As a Pastor/Minister/Missionary one does not have very many friends, if one does they are often of the same faith and of the same occupation. It is a rare thing to find a friend that does not know who you are or what you do and the only thing they really care about in life is you, not if you pray 3 times day or how often you fast.

I have a friend such as that... I have a friend that would not mind if I told him what I did for a living, but that is not of his interest, he just wants to be a friend, he just wants to be apart of my life, he just wants to say hi. However over the last year his friendship has become that of a hindrance to who I am suppose to be and what I am suppose to be about. Some would say, hey just manage your time better, just learn to say no, just learn to hide out from this person. I wish it was that easy, I wish I could just not call, I wish I could just not instant message, I wish I could just not be around. However, that is not me. You see friendship is a very very very very very rare item in my life and I think I know now why it is, because I have in some weird way of making it a very unhealthy thing. The friend becomes more important to me than anything else in life (marriage,family,ministry,morals) I realize it is because I am weak, and I see that and I wish I could do something about that. Yet I have failed once again trying that, I have failed once again trying to balance this thing called friendship.

I guess what I am getting at is simple... What hurts is the fact that I have a gold mind, yet the love for it, is truly the root of all evil.


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