Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Well here I sit in this room with the computer screen becoming the only light in the room and honestly wondering if it is the only light that I have in my life. I would say something about the darkness of my loneliness yet I think I have expressed myself before on the issue. I would express the suffering of words not only spoken, yet words not spoken by them who said they were among my friends, yet again, I have spoken of this.

I have though come to a place of nakedness, there was a time that I used the above as my excuses for my misery. Now, now, I just don't care to even offer up an excuse. I am who I am, a man standing in the midst of life in darkness that cannot be described from even the greatest authors. This darkness that has not caused me to stand still in fear of falling nor caused me to remain silent so none could find me, yet a darkness that has taken from me all sense of direction and fear of being seen. So I have taken from my body the garments of excuses and now I stand here naked. Naked to the world that I cannot even see, naked to a people that cannot even be heard, naked to a God in whom I have wondered if He laughs with pleasure.

Do you laugh at my form oh God? Do you laugh at my weakened frame? I was told that you dance over me with gladness, yet I wonder if you only roll on the floor with laughter. Do you point and mock me among the others? Do you find amusement when I stumble over broken pieces that surround me? Did you shake your finger and turn your nose when I stopped by the stream of failure?

As I walked through the open field the other day, and walked under the trees that are blooming at your command, I thought I smelt you, I thought for a moment I captured a moment of your fragrance, did you watch me as I stood silently expecting you to just say hi. I know I am being childish, I know that I should be more so mature, however I wonder if I am the one who stared this game of hide and seek. I don't recall asking to play.


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