Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Not Today...

Well, I thought today it might end. I thought today haven awakened again on the bottom, that somewhere, somehow, somehow, this season would come to an end and things would change. Yet sitting at the lunch table, I realized it is just another day, a day that is at it's end.

Have you ever wanted to speak.... Yet there is just NOTHING that you can even say much less think. I sat at the table, my hot pocket, some pringels and I can only pray that the lady sitting next to me did not ask me anything nor speak with me, cause I am sure that I did not say a word to her, I remember looking over at her, but that was it. The only thing I recall is thinking to myself, how stupid I would look if someone come in and found me under the table eating my lunch, yet that is the only place I really wanted to be.

Maybe someone will understand what I am wanting to say... Have you ever had a secret, that you just wanted to run to a private place and scream out as loud as you could? That is how I feel... As if I have this secret, as if I have this information that NO ONE else knows and NO ONE else could ever know, yet I just have to tell it because the burden of it is so GREAT. The only thing.... I don't know what the secret is. As if it is this sorrow that sits at the back of your throat, you might not understand this, yet it is that sorrow that just wants to come busting out, yet, you suppress it, yet it just hangs there. Well, I guess that is how I kind of feel.


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