Patmos Isle

The life of a Pastor, one who has been beaten and left to die by his own kind.

Location: Texas, United States

I consider myself as one that has seen the dark side of humanity and has lived to speak of it.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Where did she go?

I think that I have discovered there is yet a far greater fear to failure than the fear of being found in your failure, it is the fear that you no longer feel sorrow for your failure!!!

There was a day that I wept myself dry when I had taken the hand of sin and walked down her dark alley. Yet tonight, there is no sorrow. There is no weeping. There is only the relief that I have once again taken her hand. (I guess I should make it clear that I use the word "her" not as in a person but just in reference to sin.)

I wonder now, I honestly wonder, have I married her? Have I danced with her for so long that now she is apart of my life and will be accepted by me? What has happened to the hot bitter salty tears that once run down my face and managed to somehow find the tip of my tongue? What has happened to the sorrow? What has happened to the grief? What has happened to the crying out... "Never again Father, Never again!!"?

Maybe my eyes have adjusted to her darkness? Maybe my eyes have grown blind? Maybe my eyes have been opened and now I have come to acceptance? Was it ever wrong or was it a trade of religion?

Could it be that religion kept me from an act of innocence? Could it be that my great sorrow was condemnation of man's agenda and mans label of sin?

Whatever it is, I must say... I am concerned, yet my mind races...."What if this is just another battle of condemnation?"


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